The routine as a couple can end passion and romanticism, but it is not the only factor that contributes to ruining a sentimental relationship, since the stressors that we face on a daily basis make the other’s defects and aspects stand out more. Negatives of coexistence.
In fact, a study has concluded that stress influences the way married couples interact, and may be related not only to the way people behave in their relationship, but also to what they see , because it can alter the center of your attention and direct it towards negative stimuli.
The study analyzed the behavior of 79 heterosexual newlywed couples and found that those who had just experienced more stressful situations were especially sensitive to their partner’s negative behaviors, but not to the positive ones, and had the perception that their partner transmitted more negativity compared to people who faced less stressful situations.
“If stress focuses people’s attention on their partner’s more thoughtless behaviors, it’s likely to affect the relationship.”
“We found that people who reported experiencing more stressful life events outside of their relationship, such as problems at work, were especially likely to notice if their partner was behaving inconsiderately,” said Dr. Lisa Neff of the University of Texas at Austin and lead author of the study, which has been published in Social Psychological and Personality Science.
Being stressed alters our perception of other people’s behavior
The 79 newlywed couples answered a short survey every night for 10 days, in which they reported on their own behavior and that of their partner. Before this, they had already completed a questionnaire in which they discussed aspects of the stressful life circumstances they faced.
Dr. Neff points out that the fact that the study was done with newlyweds highlights the importance of the results, since it is very likely that during the ‘honeymoon’ period people will focus on the positive behavior of their partner and negative actions go unnoticed or give them less importance. “For many people, the last few years have been difficult and the stress of the pandemic persists,” explains the expert, who adds: “If stress focuses people’s attention on the most inconsiderate behaviors of their partner, it is likely that this affect the relationship.
The researchers found that a single stressful day was not enough for someone to focus on their partner’s negative behavior, but if the accumulation of stressful events continued, it could cause this change in focus. They also found that individuals under stress were not less likely to appreciate their partner’s positive behavior, but were more likely to notice their inconsiderate actions.
It is possible that if people are aware of the impact that stress has on the way they see their partner, they can correct their behavior and avoid or reduce the damage it causes to their relationship, but to verify this, more research is needed, says Neff , who also thinks that what happens beyond the beginning of the marriage should be analyzed to find out what happens after the ‘honeymoon’.
“One line of research would be to examine whether the harmful effects of stress might be even stronger among couples who are no longer in the newlywed phase,” he says, “but the fact that we found these results in a sample of newlyweds married says a lot about how impactful the effects of stress can be.”
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